Why do we love the "Bad Boy"

So I tuned into The Wendy "How you doing" Williams (don't judge me) because I heard Jaheim was going to be performing. His latest album is in heavy rotation in my Zune as of late and I own all of the previous albums as well. It's not just his amazing voice which is so reminiscent of old soul crooners but I am so attracted to his "street" edge (and ashamed to admit it). This made me ponder the "woman say they want a good man but go for the bad boy" argument. My late 20's was my last indulgence with "bad boy" he had tattoos everywhere, an AMAZING body, and a pension for running the streets. We knew each other when we were younger and reconnected. I though he just wanted to be friends (1st mistake) so I paid his overtures no mind, and I even remember saying to my best friend that "He was SO not the man for me, he is not the type of man I want or need as a partner"(famous last words). Fast forward a couple of months him chasing me hard, I gave in and began a relationship with him. On top of that I had the nerve to fall in love (2nd mistake), well long story short after a couple of months of dating, a break up, a year of off and on again, and a marriage proposal by text message (yet again another blog post for another time) I finally walked away. A couple of month later when I wasn't looking I met my current beau the "good guy". He is polar opposite no street edge or tattoos, he goes to church every Sunday, he is close with his family, works 2 jobs, and treats me like gold. He is everything I could have asked for in a man plus some, he didn't come how I imagined him but he defiantly came the way I needed him. So I guess my "bad boy" fantasies will be reserved for my Jaheim albums, because my "good man" reality is so much better.

XOXOXO
Nikki

PS- Jaheim's album "Another Round" will be available for digital download for $5 during the month of April, its and excellent album.

Harmless Flirtation

So the big East Coast Blizzard is over, kind of anti climatic for me because

1. We didn't get as much snow as predicted
2. It happened on a Saturday night which mean it would not result in a day off on Monday....Whomp Whomp :-(

Anywho I was leaving the house this morning to go to work and make the most of may last three days before Christmas break and I got a call on my cell phone from a colleague. We work in the same type of business and have had to deal with each other (ONLY on a professional level) for the past 2 years. (*Note: I realize that I am vague about what I do for a living but I got to keep some things private, but in the interest for some disclosure I work in Education and that is all I will say). The thing is we have been doing this coy harmless flirting dance for the past 2 years. Now neither one of us have actual verbalized any intentions but you can tell there is "something" in there. So he called me to thank me for a Christmas card I sent him and to wish me a Happy Holidays (and the I hear a collective Mmmm huhhhh right). So we usually chat for a bit and talk shop in our very best phone voices. I am in a relationship so I don't lend to much thought into our impromptu conversations, but I have to wonder is there really such thing as "harmless" flirting? Ohhhh yeah did I forget to mentions that he is about 6"1, chocolate brown, college educated, and has a Barry White baritone....huh forgot to mention that (funny how that happens). Anyways if I don't muster up the time or energy to blog again this week
Happy Holidays and Hugs & Kisses

Never Miss The Water

OK I've been preoccupied again, not updating, blogging, twitter. I been crazy busy with work and I'm just been in a funk lately. The ghost of relationship past decide to come and haunt my house two weeks ago. Lets call him "Dexter", he is a extremely handsome WORKAHOLIC with Carmel brown skin, and a velvety island accent. We had and on and off relationship of convenience for both of us for about 2 1/2 years. Then he just disappear for the last two years. So he pops up at my job two weeks ago and offers to take me too lunch.....Now who am I to turn down a free meal (and an explanation of his Houdini act). Long story short we got a little something to eat and sat down and talked he told me about the two full time jobs he was working (again workaholic) and how his disappearance had nothing to do with me, to which I responded I know because I'm fabulous. He danced around the subject of us and if I was seeing anyone and then dropped me off back at my office with a hug and a promise to stay in touch. Now before you think I am playing with fire, I told the boyfriend about him and his reappearance and he trust me so I am not gonna screw that up (full disclosure in vital in a relationship). Anywho it goes back to the old adage you never miss the water until the well runs dry. Lets see if Dexter shows up with a well bucket again next time.

XOXOXOX
Nikki

Love With Your Head and Not Just Your Heart

The concept of love has been romanticized, sprayed with perfume and wrapped up in a pretty bow for a long time. The “idea” of love is always more attractive then the reality of love and that what has tainted people’s expectations of relationship should be. The butterflies in the stomach are nice and the euphoria of new love is amazing but there come a point when you have to make the hard decision of “Is love enough?” Case in point my I was IN LOVE with my ex-boyfriend, I mean crazy all consuming, irrational, head over heels in love. At he beginning it was wonderful, he courted me, he treated me like a princess and as much as I resisted I feel hard. The problem was as much as I loved him the stars and the glitter faded and the reality of who he was became clear and it did not match up with what what i wanted for my live in the present and the future. I mean it OK for opposite to attract but we were becoming like night and day. He was a smoker and I was a non-smoker, I was churchgoing and he had dubious feeling about God and religion. I valued family and maintained close bond with them and he barely spoke to his. I had to decide if love was enough to make up for the differences and if in the long run would it be enough to sustain the lone haul.

As you can obviously tell by me referring to him as my EX-boyfriend, I decided love was not enough. I had to be realistic with myself, with what I wanted for that moment and for the future. I wouldn't be happy in the long run just living on love and not thinking about marriage, kids, money, faith, careers, and ambitions. My heart said I love him but my head said is this going to be a real functional long-term relationship?, and sadly the answer was No! Cut to almost 2 year later I am in a new relationship, in LOVE, happy and with someone that make sense to both my heart and my head, and I have no regrets about the decision I made.

Let Go If Its Not Working!

Let begin by stating the obvious: Relationships are hard work!
They are compromise, struggle, and often sacrifice. It take a lot of effort on both parties part to help the relationship thrive. with that being said there is a difference between working on your relationship and struggling in a relationship that doesn't work. Case in point my relationship with my ex-boyfriend (quintessential tattooed up bad boy) there was ALWAYS an issues, it was a constant fight on every basis level to make it work (me doing most of the work). It just wasn't healthy for both of us (but especially me). He even proposed to me by text message (I am sooo serious, but that is another story for another time) I had to break it off. If your relationship is always coming apart at the seams, stop running in with needle and thread trying to repair it. If its always broke don't fix it THROW IT OUT COMPLETELY!
My message for today is: Don't keep trying to fix a relationship that is clearly not working, don't be afraid to walk away. If its a struggle just to simply be together you are better apart!

song of the day: I Just Wanna Be Loved- Jill Scott